The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
