You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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