If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
did i just pee glitter
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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