never play flip cup with pint glasses
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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