i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
