i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
