So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
