I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You left your phone here
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