You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
