That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
