Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
