You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
