he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
