The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
