Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
