Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
