She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
