i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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