Cold hands, warm shart.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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