Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
