I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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