I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Farmville is her only friend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
