margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
