i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You pole danced in your parka.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
