just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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