Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
