I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're too hungover to prance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
