Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
