mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
