i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
