"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
