WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
