Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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