Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
