shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
