i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
