If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
