Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My breasts were aching with rage.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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