Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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