We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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