I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
