your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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