apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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