Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
