Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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