apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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