I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
