i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
