Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
