fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
