Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i came on her dog
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
