My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
