if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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