I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
