1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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