Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
