Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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