Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
