the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
